Parent Conferences

Hello everyone,

Some of you have asked me about parent conferences. I wrote to one of you already; if this looks like something you've read before, then you are that one, and you don't have to keep going. For everyone else with questions, I thought I could send this and answer you all generally.

Parent conferences are a useful tool, maybe the most powerful one you have. Use them well.

Imagine first that you are a parent, and you are going to see your child's teacher. Imagine your anxieties; imagine the judgments you make; imagine what you would expect to see from another professional. Now that you've imagined those things, put yourselves in the place of your parents, and then remove your ability to communicate exactly what you want because the school is in a different language than you speak, and you will be able to empathize a little with the parents.

Dress professionally. Dress up. Don't insist on making them see you exactly as you are. I used to think that it was the best way to let parents see me exactly as I was in the classroom; I've since changed my mind after seeing parent conferences at other schools. Parents come to parent conferences knowing that you've dressed up. If you look too casual, they might think that you either don't care, or you don't know how to look professional. Let your true clients see you at your best.

Treat the parents as your allies. Very few of them will be against you. (Those that are against you can be assuaged with mildness and kindness usually.) Occasionally, some of the students may have told their parents stories about you to justify their low grades. You know if the stories are true or not. If you've been lied about, it's best to laugh it off. Kids will be kids. If you've been misunderstood, do your best to explain yourself. If you've been wrong, change. Still, work together with the parents to help the student do as well as possible in your class. If they want to know what they can do (and they often do), tell them. (My most common suggestion was to have the parents get the student to read more.)

Translation is a big issue. Try not to let family members do the translation if possible.

If you can honestly praise, do so. It will go a long way. You'll find that most of the parents visiting are the parents of your best students anyway, so there will be a lot of opportunities. Even with students who misbehaved, I could often sincerely say, "Well, he's very funny."

If you have to tell something negative, tell it straight. "Your son is failing because he did not hand in a major assignment. This is a pattern that he showed last semester." "You daughter routinely misbehaves, and I will have to suspend her if it continues." Don't embellish it or make it more or less than it is. If you can let it slide, though, do so. I don't mean to say that you should try to buy a student's loyalty by covering up for them; I mean that if the misbehavior is ordinary adolescent behavior, and the student typically obeys you when you correct them, then there's no reason to make a big deal about it to the parents. If the misbehavior affects the student's grade, or regularly disrupts the class, or the student is really a problem, then treat it openly and professionally.

The parents are on your side. They want their child to be successful, and they want you to be a partner. If you meet a parent that is not normal (belligerent, drunk, angry at you), remember that it's rare. Most of the parents are really anxious to help.

There may be disputes or questions about your grades. If you have Easy Grade Pro ready to go, it will help. You can show individual students' grades to parents by clicking on the arrow above the students' names, then clicking the individual student's name from the list that comes up. EGP will show the parents their child's grades, with the percentage. It's really helpful.

I suppose that here as much as anywhere in the education system the Golden Rule applies: treat others as you want to be treated. Work with the parents the way you want your own children's teachers to work with you.

Best of luck,

Jeff Combe