Friend Vs. Teacher

Hello everyone,

Some of you that are newest are learning what some of the veterans already know.

Your students need a teacher not a friend.

Many of us come into the profession wanting to help the lonely and disaffected among our students, and we think that the best way is to be the sort of pal we always imagined a great teacher to be. In fact, most of us can remember back to at least one teacher that really connected with us in a personal way, and we want to connect in the same way with our own students. We don't always stop and think about the innumerable professional things that our favorite teacher did before the connection was able to happen; or we forget that those of us who become teachers were often the better students in their classes; or we fail to realize that we wanted to make the connection in the first place, and we made it easy for our teachers. Then we falsely assume that all of our students are similarly motivated, and we jump into our classrooms and think that we can pal our way to academic success.

It's not true.

Let me attempt a maxim here: "If you try to be their friend, you will fail as both a friend and a teacher; if you try to be their teacher, you may become their friend as well."

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't make connections with them. I'm just saying that the first connections you make should be as a teacher/mentor, not as a friend. I'm also suggesting that, no matter how close you are in age to them, you are not one of them any more, and you shouldn't try to be. (It's true that, during the early years of your career, you may find it easier to communicate with them because you have a more immediate knowledge of contemporary adolescent culture, but that will quickly pass, and you will need other strategies soon enough.)

Occasionally, students will sense that you are uncomfortable with your role as a leader, and they may accuse you of things you hate to be accused of: "You're mean," they might say; or, "Kick back"; or "Don't snap." If it bothers you to have them say things like that, you practically invite them to say it. Be a teacher; be a firm one, but a fair one. Later in the year, they may come to you for help with their problems, and you can be the friend you always longed to be.

Jeff Combe