Don't Take it Personally

Hello everyone,

One thing that teachers need to learn is not to take
things personally.

Teachers must acknowledge that most teenagers are
adept at manipulating their environments. We did it
when we were teenagers; we shouldn't be surprised
when our students try to do it to us.

Teachers must also acknowledge that, to a certain
extent, teenagers do not consider teachers to be

human beings with feelings. Think back to your days
in school, and you might remember that there were
times when you were shocked to find out that your
teachers had a life outside school. You objectified
them. They were actors playing a role, not real
human beings.

Our students often think the same of us. We are
characters from a movie to them; we are not real
humans. Sometimes we are the villains from the
movies; occasionally we are the heroes. We are
symbols or figureheads; sometimes we are like a
psychiatrist's punching bag; we are rarely human,
and we won't become human to most of them until late
in their school life, or after they graduate.

Therefore, it is easy for them to say outrageous
things to us.

It is not personal.

You may have just spilled your guts out to them in
the best lesson you've ever prepared, and they don't
pay attention, or they mock you. It is because you
are the character named "Teacher" and they are the
character named "Comic Hero." It has nothing to do
with you personally.

Conversely, if you are honest with yourself, you
must admit that many of your students love you not
because you're you, but because you happen to teach
their favorite subject and you haven't messed it up
for them. (I learned that as a drama teacher.
Drama students can be very loyal to their teachers;
football players can be very loyal to their coaches;
drama students are rarely loyal to the football
coach, and football players are rarely loyal to the
drama teacher. It's the subject, not the person.)
It's true that your mutual interests in your subject
may lead to life-long friendships, but the
friendship likely developed because they liked the
subject you taught as much as you did.

It is a great paradox of the teacher/student
relationship that caring often begins when the
teacher demonstrates that the student's opinion is
unimportant to the teacher. It must not matter to
you at all if the student thinks you are mean or
ugly or boring. (Some things do matter, of course,
but they come later; I'm just saying that you must
start from this attitude. It matters a lot if
students think you are dishonest or incompetent or
predatory; but you must begin by believing that it
doesn't matter at all. It's a paradox, I know, but
it's true.)

As you gain experience, you value your reputation,
and you learn to control students' perceptions of
you to a certain extent.

At the core, however, is that what matters most is
that students are safe in your class, and that they
learn. What they think about the character that you
play to accomplish those things is inconsequential,
so long as they are safe and they learn.

Jeff Combe